The start of something I'll never forget

I realize I've been really slow to work on this blog. It's been hard to get it going, however, I know it's important to get our experience out there. The good thing is there has been a lot of momentum out in the world lately. A movie like "The Syndrome" and a huge investigative article in the Washington Post this past week. More keeps coming up to bring awareness to a situation that Erin and I lived through. However, it's important that no matter how hard it is to relive my experience, I know we need to tell it. On to the first part....

Monday, May 5th, 2014. That date will be burned in my memory forever.  Most people in my generation remember September 11, 2001. Some remember December 7, 1941 as a day that lives in infamy.  I'll always remember May 5th, 2014. It was the start of 6 months of hell for us.

The day started out as a normal day to us. We went to where we needed to go. A went to school, E and Q went to daycare while Erin and I went to work. As I dropped Q and E off, I was discussing with our daycare provider Q's fussiness with her bottle that we've been dealing with for a few weeks since she started daycare. We were trying to just make sure things would be ok. I mentioned to our daycare provider that Q had a tough weekend. We had family around during the weekend to celebrate Q's cousin with a baby shower and baptism. Q was very fussy at times during the weekend. She had her moments where she was herself and a happy baby, but she had her moments where she was unhappy. Nothing we couldn't handle though. After some discussion at daycare, I left and Q was crying but we both knew we just needed to push through this.

The day still continued on as normal. I left work and came home while Erin would pick up the girls from daycare. The crew arrived home and Q was sleeping in her car seat.  Erin said when she arrived, everyone was outside playing and Q was sleeping thinking nothing of it. When Erin took Q out of the car seat, she seemed tired and lethargic. It seemed odd as she usually was a pretty happy baby with us. We let her sleep while we ate supper but it just didn't seem right. We got the other girls ready to bed while Erin was trying to wake Q up. She fed her, bathed her, changed her diaper and she was not herself. It totally seemed odd. We checked her temperature and didn't get anything outside of normal. We then started to think it was time to take her in to the doctor to make sure she was ok but we weren't 100% sure. Erin and I evaluate all our options and then go with the best one once we know what it is. So we proceeded to call ask a nurse and a couple of family members. They all came to the same conclusion, if we weren't feeling good about it, go in and get Q checked. Erin decided that since the girls were in bed, that she should take Q in and off to the ER she went.

I managed to make sure the older girls were bathed and in bed while waiting for Erin to message me. The first update I received said her first signs seemed normal but they needed to do more tests. Bloodwork came back fine so then on to a CT scan. I remember we were just hoping for some answers. They sure came as Erin called me after the CT scan results as she was crying. They found bleeds in Q's brain. Then Erin was asked if she abused our child. Something horrible was happening to our child but we were getting the first of many questions at us. I told Erin I would find someone to watch the girls and would get there as soon as I could.  Thankfully, my friends Corey and Stacey were able to help us out.  I called my parents to get here as soon as they could help me out with the girls as they were planning on coming up later that week to bring my uncle to the airport here.  Many people made quick sacrifices and I'm still grateful for that.

Off to the hospital I went. Erin's sister Nichole and my good friend Patrick also came to be there with us. Thankfully, Q's regular pediatrician was the on call doctor on the peds floor. She was baffled by this as she saw Q for her 4 month checkup 2 weeks prior. She let us know there was going to be a number of tests in the morning (MRI, retina check, etc) to figure out what is going on. We would be seeing a neurosurgeon and opthamologist for sure to see what all was going to happen. We also knew Social Services would be involved because of the suspicion of Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS). The ophthalmologist's test the next day would give us a good indication of what has been happening.  Not much more could be done the rest of the night so we needed to get some rest. I made sure Erin was ok and she was very tired. Home I went and met up with my parents arrival and off to bed we went.

The next day came and Q was busy getting checked.  The neurosurgeon we had was one who filled in every once in a while at Sanford. She was based in Montreal and taught at the med school there but once upon a time she was in practice full time.  Q had her MRI and they confirmed the subdural hematoma.  She had a bleed on each side of her head and also informed us it was "old blood". This really explained a lot to us as far as her fussiness with a bottle and her mood recently.  We were told the blood was at least a month old but there really wasn't an exact science to it we have found out later.  The eye exam came, and Q hated it.  A piercing scream Q had many times that week.  It was horrible. The test came back and we were told Q had hemorrhaged retinas. The opthamologist told us the "only way" it could happen was by someone doing harm to her.  We were heartbroken but there was no way anyone we knew that Q was with would do that.

I was sending updates out to some friends via text. One of my best friends, Mark Davis, after I mentioned there was suspicion of SBS with Q, sent me what I consider today a small miracle. He said he read this article the week before Slate Article on SBS.  Davis told me he had no idea why he read it or found it fascinating but after hearing what we were going through he thought it would be good information for me to have.  I read it but couldn't really process what it all meant yet.  I told Erin there are some people doubting the symptoms of SBS and we believed it was something else due to Q's entry into the world, but we needed to push to find the answers.  In future entries, I'll tell you what I did with this article info.

Meanwhile, our day ended with Police/Social Service interviews to understand what happened to Q. This was the beginning of our hell. I went first going to the police station to be interviewed. I never in my life ever thought my wife or myself would be questioned about how we parented our kids. After they were done with me, I went back to the hospital and they came to interview Erin. Later on we found out they went to interview our daycare provider.  Life was a little bit upside down.  Not only did we have to sit and worry about our child trying to figure out what was wrong with her, but we had to deal with getting questioned by the authorities.  Something no good parent should ever have to go through.

This was only the beginning, and Q had quite a ride the next few days.  More to come later and thanks for reading.

Happy Birthday Q!

Almost 14 months into her life, I remember I should probably write a little Happy Birthday blog to my Q.  You came into this world with a bang.  You gave your mommy and I some scares and some bumps in the road.  But the most important thing is you've been a blessing to our life.

As I may have told you earlier, mommy had quite the scare with her appendix bursting, however we survived it.  The next couple of weeks though were interesting in itself.  We got home on a Wednesday from Bemidji in a winter storm.  Mommy couldn't do much as she was told to rest as she just had a major surgery.  The fun part though was we were moving into our new house in a week. When we did move, the weather was very cold but thankfully we had many friends and family members helping us out.

Monday after we were in the new house, mommy went to work but she didn't feel the greatest. She called her doctor and she said to head downtown to get  monitored. After a couple hours, all was fine but knowing what we went through with the surgery, we knew that it would be interesting all the way until your due date of January 30th. Or so we thought. Friday that week (December 20th), we prepared for your Auntie Alison to come to town and daddy was going to go to the Bison football playoff game with Grandpa Duane. However, mommy went to get checked and her doctor said she needed to get monitored again. She was having signs of labor and it was quite scary. Auntie Cole picked up your sisters while mommy and daddy were at the hospital. Mommy wasn't too happy with daddy though cause he really wanted to go to the Bison game, and all she wanted was to be resting. Once mommy got the labor settled down, she was able to go home and so we did.  Once everyone was in bed, daddy went to the rest of the football game and then get Auntie Alison to our house. After everyone got home, Daddy and Grandpa and Auntie Alison went to bed.

Mommy woke up at about 4:30 in the morning.  Something wasn't right.  She realized that her water broke.  We called the hospital and told the nurses we had to come in.  Daddy got up Auntie Alison and Grandpa and said we were going to the hospital.  We didn't know what was going to happen. When we arrived, the nurse checked mommy and said she needed to go to a room right away. Mommy got into a bed and she wasn't feeling very good.  She was getting a fever and throwing up.  It was quite scary to watch. The doctor came into the room and checked on mommy. He then told us that with mommy having a fever there was a chance for infection.  So to save you and mommy, it was time to get you out.  We didn't know if you were a boy or a girl. There was so many things going on that we just weren't ready for you to come into the world. You decided you wanted to see us 6 weeks early and were tired of being in mommy's tummy.

As soon as the doctor snapped his fingers, everyone on the hospital floor got mommy ready to go and took her to the room for your delivery. Daddy was really scared.  He called his friends at 6:30 in the morning to tell him how scared he was and to pray for you and mommy. All I could think about was I hope you and your mommy are ok.  Soon though, a nurse came in and told me that we had another girl and I could come see you. Because you were 6 weeks early, you had to stay in the NICU at the hospital. Once I laid my eyes on you, I was very happy, but I was still worried about your mommy.

From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were mine.

I had to escort you to your home in the hospital for the next few days and sign all kinds of paperwork. I was still worried about your mommy as she was still sleeping from her surgery to get you out. She finally woke up and I was able to go see her. The nurses did an excellent job with her and you to make sure you were all comfortable. Soon we were able to wheel your mom to see you for the first time. She was so happy to know you were ok. Your aunties and uncles all came to the hospital to see you. Grandma and Grandpas also came and so did your sisters. Since you were in the NICU, we had to wash our hands for a long time to come visit you.  You were such a fighter though.  They only needed to keep you on oxygen for a couple of days. Then you had to be put on a bilipad to get your bilirubin levels and you had to gain a little weight in order to go home. December 29th came, and you got to go home. We were so happy to be at home as a family again.

Mommy and Daddy were glad to be with you in the hospital.

Our family of 5 not too long after Q arrived.

As you are now a year old, we went through quite a bit. Some day I'll explain to you your first year and how mommy and daddy went through a lot for you. We are proud of you for your will to keep being strong and fighting.